Do you live in NYC?
I do (Brooklyn) and have for nearly 20 years. Well, that is except for the time I spent in LA for Project Hollywood.
Anyway, NYC rocks for culture, sport, nightlife, career…but it totally sucks for dating, and as an NYC Dating Coach, I see the effects first hand in the guys I work with.
Dating in NYC is hard, and over the years I have realized that there are 3 clear reasons why this is the case:
1) Working Girl
Why does anyone move to New York? To meet Mr. Right? To start a family? To build a home life?
Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.
The reason people move to NYC is to pursue their career.
Whether it’s theater, film, finance, other businesses, whatever – people move here chasing a dream, and it has nothing to do with dating, relationships and falling in love.
Sucks, but true.
So, one hurdle NYC guys have to clear is a woman’s hectic, busy schedule, as she goes after her career ambitions. And, if you’re on the margin?
Meaning, if you aren’t really interesting to her?
You aren’t going to date her. Sad, but true…
Period, game over.
2) The Attractive Ones Have Options & Are Protected
The really attractive women in NYC are protected by other girls and their male friends. Attractive women don’t go out alone here, it’s taboo.
So, she will always be with another friend (or more) and often have male friends along as well.
So, meeting women out at clubs/bars etc is SUPER difficult here.
In fact, I stopped doing that altogether a number of years ago and my results went through the freakin’ roof (more on that in a sec).
If you want to approach her, you’re going to have to contend with the NYC Creep Factor. How often are we approached here for money, petitions, Greenpeace, etc??
Like, a LOT, right?
So, if you want to do a cold approach on a woman, you’re going to have to get through the knee-jerk reaction of “Stay the HELL away from me!!”.
It’s a real thing man. Again, there’s a better way to meet attractive women here. I’ll explain in a sec.
NYC girls also have options – their friends, co-workers and crazy aunt are all looking out for her, so they set her up.
Why? So they can be their Maid of Honor at the wedding!
Alas, most of these arrangements don’t work. But, a girl with choices is that much more difficult to date.
3) The Grind
Life here is hard man (right?). I am usually completely wiped out by the end of the day, and most of my friends are too. I am chasing my dream, working my tail off, and my days are JAMMED with meetings, activities, calls, appointments etc.
As I write this, my calendar is booked until 11:15pm TONIGHT…that’s insane! And, yet, totally normal for people who live in this city.
NYC women have it the same, AND, it’s often rougher for them because they aren’t built for the daily conquest that is NYC.
So, they often get more tired than us guys do simply because NYC is a masculine city.
So, getting her to want to go out with you, and being interesting enough to her so that she KEEPS the date, can be hard work.
What is the Solution?
The answer is counter-intuitive and, interestingly, a very balanced approach. It involves precise action in these three areas:
2) Social Skills
3) Personal Style
By lifestyle I mean: how you spend your time.
What activities and relationships is your life built around? What social circle has naturally formed as a result of this lifestyle?
MOST long-term relationships (girlfriend, fiancee, wife) form out of a person’s social circle so, if your lifestyle is boring, and your social circle is lame, your dating options will be slim to none.
Cultivating a dynamic and thriving lifestyle and social circle is even MORE crucial here in NYC given the three factors listed above.
The likelihood of you meeting your next girlfriend via a cold approach here is less than 1%. My opinion?
Don’t waste your time with it.
Instead, learn how to set-up your lifestyle and social circle so that you are naturally meeting women through this channel. It’s the normal way, and with some help, you can set it up so that it does ALL the work for you.
If your social circle ROCKS, you’ll have no problems meeting women.
By social skills I mean NOT how well you approach women, but are you skilled at beginning a conversation, at flirting, at baiting, at connecting and complimenting.
Are you cool with escalating for a kiss?
Can you kiss her outside of a subway station at 11pm at night in front of other New Yorkers? (If you’ve done it, you know what I mean, right? It’s a rush, and necessary to do here).
This is not a town where gimmick, magic tricks, stupid lines and other routines will work. This is the boogie down, and you’ve gotta have real social skills here.
By personal style I mean, is your “look” in synch with the times? Do your clothes really, truly fit you? Do you look like a guy who pays attention, or who is still dressing like it’s 1999?
Seriously man, in NYC, you’ve gotta have a look.
It doesn’t have to cost you an arm and a leg, you don’t have to dress fancily, nor do you have to go crazy and go all metrosexual. No, a simple, conscious approach is all you need, why?
SHE dresses that way (she HAS to to make it here), so YOU’D better too and if you don’t, she’ll notice IMMEDIATELY. I promise.
So, the answer is a balanced approach to all three areas. Done with intelligence, you can own a radically different dating life in 30-60 days max.
Or, you can waste years doing stuff that doesn’t work here and return to this page in a few days, months, years…
I’m an NYC Dating Coach and my system is tested and true here in the city. I’ve honed it and passed it along to LOTS of other guys (testimonials here).
It’s simple and elegant, and I don’t ask you to do absurdly childish things to get there. It’s centered around YOU becoming a more powerful, focused, driven, and happy man.
And, loaded with dating skills that work in NYC.
AND, I show you exactly how to set-up your lifestyle and social circle so that it FEEDS you women. In NYC, I’ve been there/done that, and have dated models, professionals, lawyers, athletes…you name it.
And, I’m now married here too.
So, I know the whole circle and can show you the way.
All of my programs are “bespoke”, which basically means that they are specifically set-up and designed for YOU and your challenges.
The way this works is that I ask you to first fill-out a simple form (click here to load it, it will take you 3 minutes max) and then you and I find some time to speak by phone – ASAP.
On this call, I promise to give you MASSIVE value right away. You’ll speak for a few minutes, describing your challenges to me. Then, I give you everything I can to help you immediately.
From there, it’s up to you to decide if you want to pursue a client-coach relationship with me…or not. No big deal either way, OK?
BUT, there’s a catch…
I only work with 6 guys at a time (in NYC & San Diego combined), AND, while we talk on the phone, I’ll be “vetting” you for my program. Many guys SAY they want results, and say they are ready for life-changing and (often) radical action. But, few – in my experience – are truly ready…
I only work with guys who are ready for massive action and change.
And, I don’t work with guys who want to learn a few ‘pick-up’ techniques either.
If I’ve still got your attention, click the link below and fill-out the form to set-up your initial, free 30-minute consultation:
Remember – each program is custom-made, like a “bespoke” suit. And, each one involves extensive follow-up work (no one is left out there in the wilderness without support) and you get some serious “stuff” when you register (think: awesome products).
So, yes, dating in NYC is hard – but if you apply this solution, it won’t remain that way. AND, you’ll build a rich and rewarding social life too.
Questions? Post them here on the blog, I’m happy to discuss. Or, email me here.
P.S. I have an entire podcast episode which deals with the challenges men face when dating in NYC (& other large, urban areas). Click here to listen: