Had an interesting conversation recently that I wanted to share.
Anyway, I am a pretty driven guy and usually find myself out too late working on projects that interest me. I’ve been getting interested again in the arts recently, and this guy is a painter friend of mine, who is about to open a gallery show. He’s a really cool guy, but a bit clueless when it comes to women.
He’s got a cool place to live where he also works, so whenever we meet up we always go to his place so I can see what he’s up to.
As usual, anytime I am hanging with a friend, they always download their recent girl dramas. And this time was no different.
My friends all get a kick out of my job, and they also know that I LOVE hearing stories from the field.
He had recently hit up this bar downtown, and wanted to try out some techniques for approaching a woman. He’s not a PUA per se, but he does like to engage women in conversation. Here’s what he told me:
Him: Stephen, I know you guys used to script these things to a tee and I understand that and all, but I discovered that the BEST way to open up a convo is to REVERSE their expectations from the get-go
Me: Hmmm I have this image of you approaching them and pretending to be gay and completely disinterested true? Please say no
Him: No way. Not at all. But take the most common scenario, a guy rolls up and says Can I buy you a drink? right? Isn’t that the most common scenario?
Me: (ugh, he’s building a yes tree here he’s a great salesman) YES
Him: So, what if you INSTEAD said to her: Hey girls listen, I’ve got a little challenge you up for it? (they always say yes). If you can guess my favorite drink, I will buy you a drink. In fact, I’ll give you three shots at it
Me: Hmmmm that’s interesting tell me more (aka, YES)
Him: Well, it immediately puts a fun frame around the interaction, and separates you from the pack. Isn’t that what you’re always saying Stephen? AND, I got three numbers last Friday night using JUST this method.
He was and IS right. I was so glad he brought this up, because it is so SIMPLE and useful to guys who dislike routines, but who also want some sort of structure to use when beginning the conversation.
It reminded me of a conversation Neil Strauss and I had years back at Project Hollywood. We were rehashing an old Ross Jeffries routine that I used to use when I was very new. It goes like this:
Excuse me. Are you confident enough to accept a sincere compliment from a complete stranger?
I’ve always liked this script, and used it for a long time. I even experienced results with it, unlike most who use RJ’s stuff.
Style and I however conceived of a new way of wording it by adding the below to the end.
(after she says yes)
Hey, so am I! You go first
What you do is completely reverse the expectation and cause her to have to think on her feet. This obviously separates you from the pack while also causing intrigue. She HAS to engage you, as she can’t rely on her own bag of tricks.
So, engage her in conversation by using her expectations FOR you. The only difference it REVERSE this so that you get the advantage.
Take an obvious source of conversation, and simply reverse it on its head so that you are challenging her. Here are some examples (all said with a smile btw otherwise you’ll come off as an ass):
If I give you guys some cash, do you mind bringing drinks to me and my friends throughout the night? We’re really tired and would love to just kick back without running back and forth to the bar
Nice bag. Could I borrow it for say five minutes? I want to impress someone
(if someone is having a cellphone conversation nearby)
(roll your eyes) Let’s pretend to be the other person on the line. We’ll take turns. I’ll go first: aah, but I love you Jim, I think about you always(turn it into a soap opera)
Be challenging and engaging. Be DIFFERENT. Use something happening and turn it on its head. Instead of asking a lame question about it turn it into something USEFUL.
Oh, and if you’d like to learn my FAVORITE technique for approaching women, click the link and learn my direct approach.
Yes, it takes some stones…but, boy does it work insanely well – if handled with care. Check it out!