So many words in our culture are tossed around with such a variety of meaning, that it’s a true wonder that we understand each other.
This is PARTICULARLY true in the world of dating.
One basic concept that all men HAVE to grasp is the nature of ATTRACTION.
Attraction, in brief, is simply when someone feels a romantic impulse towards another.
It is the first step in building a meaningful relationship.
What follows are chemistry, connection, compromise & commitment.
Initially, if a woman is attracted to you and you to her, you have accomplished the simplest and, perhaps, most elusive building block in a relationship.
I have met many men over the years, and have studied the nature of what is attractive to women. Initially, each woman (and man) has a certain “type” that triggers the potential for attraction.
This does not mean that if you don’t fit that type that you are out of luck. It does mean that your chances of engaging her in a flirtatious conversation increase.
As a man, it is very hard to know what type a particular woman is attracted to – and there is only one way to find out – initiate a conversation with her.
The best way to increase your chances with women, is to increase the attractiveness of your world and the daily life you lead.
Women, intuitively, are looking for a man that fulfills her innate need for security. This is why insecure men have trouble attracting a mate.
A secure man tends to embody a sense of humor, focus/determination (he lives with purpose), leadership, humility and vulnerability. Healthy, attractive women crave this combination.
These traits are challenging for many men, which is why I believe a guy who struggles with women is living out of balance with himself. His outlook is often negative, and he seems to respond to life, rather than act or move towards it.
Insecurity is a result of being prey to negative emotions, such as depression, anger, envy, greed, lust etc.
If a guy struggles with envy, he will find himself walking through the world comparing himself to everyone he meets, subtly fulfilling his internal prophecy of “I am not enough”, “look at that guy”, “he’s got it all”…
The essence to being an attractive man is being a positive man.
If you struggle with dating and relationships ask yourself these essential questions:
- Do you see problems in front of you, or challenges?
- Are you willing to accept yourself as you are, for the moment, and take on the responsibility of creating a life that is truly your own?
- Are you focused on short-term survival, or long-term prosperity?
History proves that, biologically – and therefore, intuitively – women seek out men that give them a sense of security.
In order for a man to provide this, he must be secure in himself.
A secure man is an autonomous man – he is the elusive one within each of us who craves to call his life his own.
If you desire to persuade people into your life in order to build relationships, you will be far more compelling to others if what you are offering promises to be a positive experience for them.
This is a simple sales model – in order to sell a product, it needs to promise a positive experience for the consumer.
If your world is filled with positive emotions (humor, happiness, passion, to name a few) you will magnetically bring like-minded people into your life.
For example, when you are talking to a woman on the phone, and she asks you “what’s up?” You might reply by painting an interesting and exciting view of the world in front of you – be original.
Recently, I was chatting with my girlfriend, and in the middle of the conversation, I described to her the very funny scene happening directly in front of me – which was of two kids playing with a puppy.
It was a very humorous way to involve her into my world, one that helped her understand that I see the world as a lively and fun place, and that I am not afraid to share that with her. Doing things like this says so much about you as a man, but do you take the time to consider it?
Another great way to reflect a powerful image into the world is in how you dress.
Look at your wardrobe. Are you up on the latest fashion? Is your look something you are proud of, that you enjoy? Does your look work for your career path?
If not, you might want to consider at least enhancing your wardrobe a bit with some of the basics or by buying a very nice pair of shoes for example.
Or, seek out some help in defining a look which works with both your personality and lifestyle, and then find a way to incorporate that – hire an image consultant, get your stylish sister to go shopping with you, buy men’s magazines for ideas – the possibilities are endless here guys.
Just remember, the most critical aspect in considering how you dress is to reflect your personality in a powerful way, that also works for the environment or scene that you are in. (It might not be best to wear a really cool t-shirt to your corporate job, for example).
If you can be someone who sees the world in a positive light, you will naturally bring people closer to you.
Men who are successful with women are those who are autonomous and embody a spirit of security by having a full, meaningful and positive lifestyle.
In short, they are happy.
For follow-up reading, I’d recommend my post on female psychology (just click the link).
Grasping the internal mechanisms for female attraction requires you understand the how and why of what, psychologically, women are naturally attracted to and what you can do to cultivate these essential qualities.