Discussing female psychology has been a favorite topic of mine for years.
Primarily because understanding its essence can wildly alter how a man sees the behavior and responses from the women in his life.
By the end of this article, I want you to understand this ONE “essence” of female psychology and how, if you are able to adopt this principle into your life, your interactions, dates and relationships with women will dramatically change.
Lets begin with the nature of attraction and how it is different between men and women.
Through this lens, I will show you the psychological differences between men and women, and what it is that she is looking for, from you.
Differences between Male & Female Attraction
To begin, please know that female attraction is different than male attraction.
The elements that trigger attraction in a woman are very different than they are for a man.
The ultimate feeling of attraction is the same, but what creates it are VERY different in men and women.
Many guys misinterpret the responses they receive from women because they are viewing these through the lens of their own attraction mechanism. This is a flawed approach.
If you can understand how a woman becomes attracted, it can radically alter how you read your interactions with women which will profoundly alter your behavior.
This will become very clear in a moment. For now, lets start with a quick synopsis of what male attraction is, what it looks like and how it usually happens.
Attraction for men starts with the physical.
You see her across the lounge, cafe or bookstore and feel that twinge of excitement in your gut. You know that feeling don’t you?
This is called attraction. It’s a biochemical reaction to certain physical stimuli.
Now, at first glance, it seems us guys are rather shallow doesn’t it? Some girl with a great body and a cute smile will trigger our “attraction” process? Well, in many ways, YES.
But, there is something deeper happening here which is a result of our evolutionary process.
Forgetting for a moment the cultural images of beauty, and how it shapes our attraction process (and it does, I assure you), lets look at the baseline reality of “reproduction”.
There are certain physical images in women, certain characteristics and traits, which signal to men that the woman in question is fertile and mother-ready.
Large breasts & curvy hips are the most clear examples of this.
To the biological man, these images signal “woman”. They are timeless, and we cannot deny their impact upon us.
Attraction for men is mostly tied in to this specific process.
To tie this all together (and to avoid the rabid female response which is inevitable – “you treat us as objects!”), it’s important to note that – at least in my experience – there are 2 important stages of attraction for a man:
- The physical/biological (as covered above)
- The emotional/feminine
The emotional/feminine is when you are speaking with “her” and find her attractive in a deeper way.
Her personality clicks with yours.
Her voice excites you.
Her eyes are more than just objects.
Her energy flows in a way which wakes you up.
The physical is important for us – it’s kind of the GATE that she must pass through in order to have the opportunity to show us her more feminine/emotional side which is the part that will lead to long-term attraction and connection.
The short answer to “what is female attraction” is…well, kind of the reverse of the above.
What attracts her initially, more than anything else, is a certain vibe or presence in you.
Let’s call it “masculinity”.
But, that inevitably conjures up images of guys swinging axes, heading off to battle, braving their lives for something, etc.
But, what I teach, and what I have found to be the ultimate trait which naturally attracts women – which triggers their attraction “process” – is a little thing I call…
A guy who is secure. His vibe is not needy, nor is it totally isolated. He’s able to talk to people in a relaxed way because nothing life-shattering is at stake. His self-esteem is not on the line. He needs no external validation, his energy is intact.
Security, more than anything else, will trigger female attraction. Women, and particularly the very attractive ones, can instinctively sense how secure you are with yourself. It appears in your body language, in your voice, in your social skills, in how you dress…but, mostly, in how you ARE.
This “isness” is what female psychology is based on – this is the essence of it. Security, being comfortable with oneself, masculinity, “isness” are all ways of describing “it”.
Some of the ugly catch-phrases in our world are “neediness” and “seeking validation”.
These are the 2 cursed characteristics in men. And, it’s true that these 2 traits destroy more possibilities for guys than they could even possibly realize.
So, while you memorize your routines and gimmicks for your next outing to meet women, while you contemplate which pick-up artist to study and learn from, remember this…
None of it will help you AT ALL unless you’ve addressed and corrected any – and I mean ANY – issues related to being self-secure.
A guy who is self-secure is also known as…a MAN.
Nothing wrong with learning a little gimmick here or there to get you out the door and into the party (so to speak), but your primary focus should be on developing SECURITY with yourself.
This is the ultimate skill needed to trigger attraction in women.
Next comes the physical elements.
So: your look, your social skills, your breath, your hair style, your genetic looks, etc. Sure, they are important.
But, to women – they are secondary. Unless you have a vibe of “healthy, secure, man” you won’t attract the highest calibre of woman into your life.
Understanding female psychology, and these 2 important parts to female attraction, is important for you (if you’re a single guy, that is).
If you want to attract women TO you, then there must be something, someone “there” to attract her to – right?
Everything which follows, whether it’s the structure for meeting women (mine is simple: engage/hook/connect), whether it’s the social skills for attracting them, whether it’s the importance in establishing and maintaining a strong emotional connection with them, all the way down to how you ask for her phone number…it all MATTERS.
And, it all FLOWS from this central understanding of what attracts women.
Security. Security. Security.
It won’t attract them ALL (nothing does), but it will attract the RIGHT ones to you.
The paradox is, most guys can only see their lack of dating success in terms of their lack of social skill.
The hardest thing for most guys to SEE is that, although this is a part of their challenge, the real issue is something bigger.
Their lives have no meaning. Their social lives have no vitality. And they spend their lives chasing carrots that they never actually catch.
They never question the fundamentals of their actual, real life.
So, instead, they cloak themselves with gimmicks and routines, as they are “certain” that they just need to learn how to approach more women.
Then, when this doesn’t fully work, they realize they need more gimmicks, and they need to dress differently.
Then, when this doesn’t satisfy, they add even more surface appeal.
They are treating women like men – humans who respond first to the physical. Which is precisely why this doesn’t fully work.
To see that it is something much deeper and more profound. A lack of something central, solid and consistent. A lack of anything which is not pulled in a million-&-1 different directions when he sees a pretty girl.
Something stable. Something secure.
Without this, no amount of gimmickry and polish will matter my man.
She will know (very quickly in fact) that you aren’t who you say you are…
Understanding female psychology then begins with you “getting” that attraction for her and you are two very different things.
From there, you must learn to decipher her actions and reactions to you through this filter. You must be able to think outside of your psychology, and into hers.
When her emotional storms intensify, it’s time for you to become MORE secure, more strong, more centered. It is not the time to become reactive and irritated.
I hope this helps you. Any questions feel free to post below…