Got an interesting question by email yesterday…
The question related to getting over a girl and why women end relationships.
What causes attraction, or polarity, to reverse so much that she ends it?
Well, I’d say it would have to be three reasons:
1) It wasn’t a good match in the first place, and she’s doing what needs to be done.
2) He’s slowly lost himself and his priorities, and therefore lost her respect in the process. She realizes that the polarity that used to exist is no longer there, and she needs this in her life.
The flow of love lacks integrity as he is unable to reasonably manage his life and his passions. She loses interest and moves on.
(a very common scenario)
3) He’s abusive and deserves to be dumped.
The last one is obvious. The first one describes the relationship I had before I found my way into the pua community five years ago. I had so few dating options, that I HAD to accept someone who seemed interested in me.
The girl I ended up with was cute, available and fun. Every guy’s dream right? Well, it turned out that we had very little in common and were at very different points in our lives.
She was young and into hitting the bars and drinking (ironically, just the sort of girls we sarged at Project Hollywood) and I was into theater, philosophy and a more sophisticated scene. So, she ended it and with good reason too.
Again, I had no options at the time she was IT, and I therefore had little/no idea about what I really wanted in a woman. I made it my mission to learn how to meet more women, which led me to the pick-up community.
I quickly learned that sarging women in bars/clubs etc was no real way to meet quality women for relationships. They were either too young and therefore only interested in hyper-emotional stimulation (H.E.S.) or they were just out looking to be hit on by guys.
So, I stopped that activity altogether and instead focused on building a lifestyle that would support what I wanted out of life. Developing my lifestyle took priority over meeting women ironically (or not ironically at all), I began to meet women with A LOT more going for them than the club-girls.
Lifestyle, as I use it in this context, is when you live life in an intelligent and fulfilling way to attract the right women TO you. This is much more an artform than sarging or picking-up. What a guy needs here are:
a) Social skills which convey the most powerful version of YOU;
b) Used in environments that you WANT to be in;
c) For reasons that FEED you (not just for the purposes of sarging)
After this is handled, and only after this is handled, can the right woman come along and you meet her in a healthy context.
Also, it is incumbent that the man CONTINUE developing his lifestyle with the woman now that they are together. Again, just because the polarity that led them into relationship was strong, doesn’t mean that it is good forever it will have to be maintained and cultivated.
If he sacrifices his autonomy for the sake of the relationship, he will lose the relationship.
If he truly loves the woman, he will naturally be inclined to develop the relationship as an expanding reflection of his own autonomy.
I’ll end this long answer with this most women have a dream way of meeting and falling in love with a guy. Most of those images are NOT in bars/clubs etc.
So, if you’re interested in meeting women for relationships, you MUST focus on lifestyle, social skills and autonomy (lifestyle and autonomy are very closely related here).
From there, the relationship will need to be developed. If you and she WANT the same things out of life, you will naturally grow the relationship in an evolutionary manner. If not, polarity suffers, and the relationship can suffer sometimes irreversibly.
Getting over a girl mean refocusing, reprioritizing and recommitting to your primary relationship:
The one with yourself…
So much of this depends upon meeting the RIGHT woman for you. In other words, This ain’t target practice boys this is art.
If you’d like to learn all about how to get a girlfriend, click the link and check out my seminal post on the topic.
This page has my top 24 tips for living an awesome life, meeting amazing women and forming lasting, healthy relationships. Getting a great girlfriend is a journey, but – unsurprisingly – a fruitful, adventurous, meaningful one. I hope you’ll check it out.