So, how do you know when to take things to the next level?
And, as important, how to be smooth when it’s the “right time”?
This is a problem every guy sweats & is the 9th post in my series on the BEST dating skills you should learn from “The Game” to help you meet women and improve your social & dating life.
I know a handful of guys who lose sleep over this issue of “escalating” prior to going out with a girl.
Wouldn’t you like a clear and easy plan to navigate these special moments? Read on.
I want to cover a few things while going through this topic of smoothly escalating physically with women and all of them require you to pay attention, and lead the interaction.
Typically, when in an intimate situation, women look to men to lead this process. The first thing you should be paying attention to is body language.
You will need to gauge her comfort level by observing her body language, and by listening to what she says.
The basic rule of thumb is to not give her any more energy (via body language) than she is giving with hers and in the meantime create comfort by talking, listening, and expressing humor, encouraging her to open up to you.
When she does so, reward her with changing your body language too, slowly leading her physically into more and more comfort.
For example, say you are both sitting on the sofa and you notice that her legs are crossed AWAY from you. What we teach is to also cross yours away from her, and then, after a few moments of comfort building, cross your legs TO her.
If you have earned her trust, she will, as a result of greater rapport, cross her legs to you. See that? This principle applies to all potential scenarios.
The idea is to meet her where she is, then lead her from that into a more intimate place.
You will want to slow down your speech, and soften your voice when escalating. This may be obvious to some of you guys, but women are very responsive to changes in sound.
Again, if you do this at the right time, you will, just by using your voice, LEAD her into greater intimacy – her voice will slow down, and soften…you lean in to hear her, get closer…see where this leads?
Pacing her reality
If you sense her getting uncomfortable for any reason pace her reality and acknowledge that you are sensitive to the moment.
When you pace someone’s reality, you exhibit understanding for their situation, you build a connection there, stabilizing the energy. Then, you simply build back to where you were, and continue to escalate.
Pacing can be used at any point, particularly where you feel that she is uncomfortable, or you are uncomfortable.
There are two very good ways to do so:
1) Pace it by simply acknowledging it:
“Wow, here we are in my bedroom, I must say it is a bit uncomfortable to be here with a completely new person and it must also be kind of different for you too. Well, since you are a new person in my room, as your initiation, you must tell a very funny joke.”
So, what have I done here?
I have communicated that I am uncomfortable (which will invariably surprise her), I acknowledge that I understand her feelings too (notice that I don’t say that she feels uncomfortable, or weird – I say “different” – better to frame her feelings in this way, rather than something so obviously negative), and then I take her feelings and transfer her discomfort from being in my room to a challenge to tell a funny joke.
Now she has a different reason to feel uncomfortable, and it is not about me, but rather about a challenge that I have laid down. Yes, you can certainly use the line, but better to understand the principle.
So, here is a short definition: pacing=acknowledgement, connection, and lead away. Cool?
So, how then do you know when to move forward, when to escalate?
Well, you have to begin to notice rhythms that exist socially between people. There are certain windows of opportunity which open up when in intimacy.
Escalation is on your mind, and it is on hers.
She is wondering if you will, and then, how you will…escalate. What will be on your mind, usually, is that you want to, but how, and when?
You HAVE to pay attention, and you HAVE to be willing to take the chance.
And by the way, be sure to check out my complete post on how to kiss a girl if you are wanting specific direction on that crucial moment. I also share my “kiss test” which, as you’ll see, is as smooth as it gets…