Ever had an urge to date someone you worked with?
If you have, then you are in the majority of those employed in this world. Seriously.
My parents met on a job. Years ago, my mom was hired at a Symphony in NC and they had organized a “welcome” drink for her after work. Well, only one person showed up – and he became my dad.
So, it would silly for me to say that we shouldn’t date at the workplace. But, I do think a somewhat passive stance is necessary.
Just not as passive as Jim on “The Office” – right? Pam gave him IOI’s for YEARS it seems…
Anyway, on to this week’s mailbag question:
There was this new manager that joined our organization 2 months back. She’s easily a 7.5 on 10, and naturally attracted attention of all including our boss.
She being my colleague got close to me and I had to be friendly with her and help her settle in as I was instructed by my boss to do so. Besides, before you, I had read only stuff from David DeAngelo and he’s not very upbeat about dating women from workplace.
However, I admit its been extremely difficult to do so. Therefore, I have kept up my act on teasing her, although I have been unable to bust hard on her due to the circumstances surrounding me.
While I have been restrictive in my approach, on the other hand, my boss also seems to be reading similar materials (or perhaps it comes naturally to him). He busts on her, teases her, calls her a brat/kiddo. He gets the right mix of arrogance and funny in his demeanor. Being the boss, he obviously is rich too!
Now, where I connect your newsletter to this situation is that the boss I am mentioning here, is a smart, young man. He is passionate about his work and has is very ambitious and his performance speaks for himself. We can see the purpose of life in him as he has accumulated a lot of wealth in such a young age. According to your newsletter, men with passion and direction are magnets for women.
My question is that: No matter what I do, it will be difficult to match our boss’ personality (that I mentioned above). In your opinion, you think it’s worth competing or is it better to forfeit and move on?
Once again, I think your insights are very helpful and I would appreciate a response to my question.
Yo PC –
Thanks for your note. I really think there are TWO issues here for you to consider.
1) Dating in the workplace…how to do it in your situation, &
2) What is your purpose?
I’d be very laid back about this situation at work my friend.
I have a hunch that the boss is being the boss here, as it is more inappropriate for a boss to go after staff than it is for staff to go after staff.
But definitely stay out of trouble (if you want to keep your job) and don’t go into head to head competition with him ON COMPANY SOIL…OK?
Here’s what you do:
You might begin by organizing “drinks after work” with a number of people (not inviting the boss, of course) and be sure to invite the girl (duh). Outside of the work environment, talk to her, flirt with her, get to know her – and then see if there is any real chemistry.
If so, feel free then to ask her out to do something with you, and only you, later on.
You see, the energy with a NEW employee is often very open and friendly as they are seeking acceptance into the workplace.
So, give it some time too before you ask her out so you can learn more and more about your REAL chemistry.
Also, be sure to invite her to something you are already going to. You have to work gradually here.
In other words, don’t ask her out on “a date”. But, tell her you’re going to a gallery opening/see a friend in a band/see some free lecture on global warming…whatever – and then invite her along.
If you spend time together, you will eventually learn of each other’s interests etc. If you have something in common, center your invite around this common interest. Then, it makes total sense for you to invite her to this.
In summary – be cool, lay back, and play this one very passively. But, don’t be paralyzed either. Just do your thing smoothly…really important.
And, if you find out she slept with the boss last Friday night – MOVE ON!
To your second point, what exactly is your purpose?
It is not necessary that it directly relate to work, per se. But, it does need to be identified.
What is it? Do you know?
Once you do, you will notice a very profound shift in energy – in each and every social situation. Women will notice, trust me.
In your case, again, it doesn’t necessarily need to be directly related to your JOB. What is important is that you discover it, and OWN it.
So, again, I ask you…
What is your purpose?
Good question PC…and thanks for writing in!
To check out my complete list of first date tips check out my “Lucky 7” post right here:
First Date Tips – Stephen Nash’s Lucky 7