Hey man –
Got an interesting mailbag the other day, and thought to convert it into an article, as it highlights some principles I enjoy teaching.
Now, let me preface this discussion by saying this the GOAL (in some respects) of getting GOOD with women is to never hear the following phrase:
Let’s Just Be Friends
Makes me gag just to type it.
BUT there are times when it happens and there is very little we can do about it.
Very little? So, that means there is something we CAN do about it?
I’ll let my friend Gene pose his question/experience and I’ll be back in just a moment with some feedback.
I had a question from a dating experience I had over the last month I wanted to ask you about.
My query relates to whether I should pursue a “friendship” with a girl had dated a couple of times (4) but thinks went pear shaped b/c of a combination of me coming across too keen on our last date (by giving her a gift and paying for an expensive dinner etc) and her being a bit sick and “bitchy” for whatever reason throughout the night. We have caught up once since and she was fine but was acting as a friend and said she would be happy to do stuff “as a friend” and “take things slowly”. She hasn’t initiated any contact on her own behalf since. I have downloaded your book, How To Get A Girlfriend and I know you say that sometimes it is good to be friends with women where things don’t work out so that you can meet her circle of friends etc. I am wondering whether this is such a case or whether I should just move on and meet other women. I have been on a few other dates since but the girls haven’t really interested me so I haven’t taken it further.
Look forward to hearing from you.
Good question (Pear-shaped? Can anyone explain?).
Here’s what I would do:
1) Definitely date other women
…that’s a no brainer for sure.
Getting a girlfriend is often a numbers game, and getting too hung up on one woman – particularly one who isn’t playing 50/50 – exhausts a lot of time and energy.
This way, you get your mind off of her and begin to see the other options that are out there. This automatically helps you reclaim some power that this other girl now holds over you.
Waiting for her in ANY form is destructive to your self-esteem. When things are right for a relationship, nothing can keep the two of you apart, and after four dates it is legal for both parties to call each other with no prompting.
So, we can safely assume here that friends is the road and that there is no other for now.
However, being friends with women is a GOOD thing.
It gives you a woman that is now in your social circle with whom you can socialize making it easier to meet OTHER women (her friends, for example).
2) Begin to “lead” your social circle (re-read that part of the ebook)
So, organize outings; explore a new neighborhood; check out a new restaurant/venue; do something off-beat, cultural or otherwise adventurous…all with your “crew”.
Be sure to invite the girl in question. Just put her in the rotation of friends you ask to do stuff with.
What happens here is that she begins to see that you are serious about being “friends” and that you aren’t needy for her attention.
This will help deflate whatever bad/wierd feelings remain from the old dating scenario and will help you two “start over”, so to speak…
If there is any real chemistry/connection there, that will take over and something natural can then happen.
I’ve seen plenty of examples where a guy just laid back and opened himself to the friends scenario and guess what? Once he relaxed, she got INTERESTED.
One nice thing about leading your social circle is that by being in the eye of the storm, you become the high value person in the group.
If a single woman is along, you instantly become the best option.
Oh, and if there are new women along they will subconsciously seek your approval when in the pilot position. They’ll be looking to be accepted by the group, and it’s your opinion that matters.
Feel free to bring new women that you are dating along on the outing. A little jealousy plotline never hurts, and it shows her that you’ve truly moved on.
Plus, she might have some cool female friends to bring along…a great way to meet new women.
Oh, and one VERY important final word:
Never ever ever give a gift or pay for an expensive meal with a woman that you aren’t SERIOUSLY involved with (you’ve had sex, for example).
Otherwise, it comes across as needy & insecure let that be clear to everyone reading this.
To learn more about how to get a girlfriend, check out my 24 top tips post (linked below). I’ve listed, in order, the process of going from completely clueless & lost to wildly successful and crushing it with women…it’s a long one, but worth your careful study.
Check it out here:
How to Get a Girlfriend – 24 Tips