Men who understand how to be attractive to women embody a certain “isness” which intrigues and compels women…
They ARE a certain way and women notice it – usually intuitively, in their bodies. Not in their minds.
Attraction has very little to do with what you say, how you stand and what you wear. These are important, but nowhere near as crucial as the most important “skill” you can own:
And by security, I mean…being secure with ones self, ones sexuality and ones masculinity.
The real reason men are unsuccessful with women is that most of us are driven by insecurity (ie, the opposite of security).
This might masquerade as shyness, nerves, neediness, lack of style, bad breath, or body odor. But, at its root, this phenomenon is simply defined – insecurity.
Now, before you go and jump to conclusions, let me accurately define what I mean by “security”. Then, let’s consider how this relates to being attractive.
Let’s also try to keep this simple…
Here’s my definition of security:
“A willingness to accept myself as I truly am – strengths and weaknesses – and the decision to take consistent actions towards a deliberate evolution for myself.”
A man who is secure realizes his weaknesses, and then addresses them.
Some weaknesses (better known as challenges) are tougher to handle than others. A patient, deliberate effort may have to follow.
Let’s consider a very simple example.
If a guy has bad breath is it because he just ate a dish filled with garlic or does he suffer from gingivitis? If it’s the garlic causing the problem, his problem is easily remedied by a bit of time and some mouthwash.
If he has gingivitis or halitosis, the challenge becomes larger and will take more time to surmount. (Although, he should carry some Cool Mint Listerine PocketPaks with him at all times)
A guy who is secure with himself likely never encounters a challenge like bad breath, or if he does, he handles it right away.
An insecure guy will be too lazy to take the action, or will unconsciously reject the reality that he has bad breath.
His fragile self-esteem will not accept the information, thus he continues to create bad impressions on other people due to his own unwillingness.
This mini-example can translate to virtually any challenge which we encounter through our lives. Most guys live lives that are so out of balance, that a woman might like you initially, but when she eventually sees the chaos that follows you around (whether it be bad breath, flailing friendships, insecurity, lack of focus, endless hours surfing the web, the list goes on…) she will never really see you as a viable companion because she knows, intuitively, and biologically, that you are not a man in the truest sense.
You are not someone who can provide security…thus, you are not attractive to her.
Here is where we separate the men from the boys.
The boys right now are thinking, “This is a load of BS. A bunch of feel good jargon. This will never work for me.” They are right, it never will until they decide to face their lives like a man.
A man sees this and realizes that it is time, now, to step up to the plate and take responsibility. He sees that he can get what is rightfully his. That time is now.
Women are seeking a man who is secure with himself, and is able to provide it to her consistently.
These men reflect it with everything they do – they always seem to be in control, they are sensitive to the needs of the moment, they rise to the occasion, and are comfortable in their own skin.
Their life naturally validates them internally, and thusly, they feel complete.
They are attractive, naturally.
So, when you give that guy the ten magically perfect things to say to a woman, he only needs five, and even then he has overdone it…
Let me be clear – I am not saying that you have to be rich or to have fully realized all of your goals in order to be successful with women.
What I am saying is that it is critical to be on the path pursuing your goals. Men who live with passion and direction are magnets for women because they are attractive.
Quality women are desperate for men whose lives are focused, balanced, and filled with purpose.
The single most perfect piece of advice that I can give you is:
You must clarify your aim or mission, and begin taking action in that direction ASAP. Whatever challenges or resistances that arise will force you to grow, thus forging your character and allowing you to emerge as you are – yourself, in the world, with authentic, masculine power.
Chew on that for awhile!
Also, feel free to post any questions below – would love to hear your thoughts and help you learn how to be attractive to women.
To learn more about naturally attracting women and the art of how to get a girlfriend, check out my 24 top tips post (linked below). I’ve listed, in order, the process of going from completely clueless & lost to wildly successful and crushing it with women…it’s a long one, but worth your careful study.
Check it out here:
How to Get a Girlfriend – 24 Tips
Hi Stephen. I recently came across your site and have been very impressed with your wise blogs so far. I’m a 26 year old struggling in dating, and a guy who has spent thousands (literally) going to PUA bootcamps and purchasing online programmes. Hasn’t helped me much at all. My questions in regards to this blog:
1) your definition of security is when a man accepts himself for who he is. I for example aren’t 100% into fashion sense as I feel fashions change quicker than the seasons. I have been told that my fashion sense can at times be outdated. Am I supposed to care about modern fashion sense if I’m comfortable aka secure. with what I wear?
2) I am 26 years old, but sometimes with the mental age of 16. I do still act goofily and immaturely as people my age have done in high school. I’m a late developer in this situation. I may still be a ‘boy’ with a mans age. Are the traits required of me to be a secure man not yet be within my reach?
3) What if a man doesn’t know what his mission in life is yet? Does that automatically signify a lack of attractive traits to women?
Stephen Nash says
Thanks for the comment. I’ll reply in order.
1) Focus on classic men’s style – fashion for men doesn’t often change, certainly not like for women. Here is a podcast and post which will help:
2 & 3) I wouldn’t get too caught up in my own diagnosis of myself…nor really that of others. Who cares what people think, in other words. Instead, simply focus on what you can do TODAY to help yourself grow and evolve. So, is there something that you really, truly want or desire for your life? Is there a goal which excites you or compels you into action? I suggest beginning with that, and find a way to get involved with that goal and experience it directly. The more you can focus on your aim, the less concerned you should be about your thinking or anyone else’s for that matter.