v. flirt·ed, flirt·ing, flirts
1. To make playfully romantic or sexual overtures.
2. To deal playfully, triflingly, or superficially with: flirt with danger.
3. To move abruptly or jerkily.
Sexual tension is easily the hardest concept to get when working with men who struggle with women, dating and relationships.
Most men lack the ability to understand it, and then how to work with it.
The primary way to influence sexual tension is via flirting.
Learning how to flirt with women then is really understanding the “art” of sexual tension – building it, maintaining it and then escalating it physically.
Sexual tension is essentially when there exists polarity, magnetism or, as we like to call it, “attraction”.
The largest misnomer that exists is that one can create attraction – this is FALSE.
Attraction is based on polarity and magnetism, NOT on the external elements you are probably obsessed buy viagra with right now…”what do I say”, “what should I wear”, “how should I stand”…
Now, the only way that I can influence the women that are attracted to me is to enhance my internal self-image first, followed by consistent, deliberate efforts to harmonize that with my lifestyle and personal look.
There is no way that you will learn a bunch of scripts, lines and tactics to “create attraction” – again, this is false. (My Natural Attraction 7-Day Audio Program is a great tool for transforming both the internal belief system and the external vibe and look to represent YOU in the most powerful, attractive way). Anything that does not focus on both the internal and the external is incomplete, and not as helpful.
You might, however, learn how to influence attraction WHEN IT ALREADY EXISTS. The fact that she is laughing and touching you while you run routines and lines does not mean she is attracted, it means she thinks you are FUNNY – not a bad thing certainly – but it rarely converts to dates.
This should explain flaking to you…and why it is so incomprehensible…she was never into you in the first place…
So, learning how to recognize “attraction” is important. But, for now, lets assume it is already there, and that you are now attempting to enhance this polarity, and escalate the interaction with greater sexual tension.
In short, flirting is where we push away with our words, and pull towards with our energy. So, a classic scenario is where the man treats the woman as being slightly beneath him in coolness (I emphasize slightly, as too much comes across as cocky – which signals insecurity).
You might call her a “brat”, while smiling at her – the word “brat” is an insult, but the smile is an invitation. Perhaps that’s a definition – “an inviting insult”.
Witty banter has forever been used as a tool to rise socially – particularly in European cultures of the 16th & 17th centuries. (See the film “Ridicule” for a prime example of this)
It takes some balls to flirt, as it indicates automatically a sexual interest, which is uncomfortable for many men (particularly those lacking in sexual experience).
What you are looking for are opportunities to insult her, point out her flaws (not physical, of course), treat her like a little sister that you don’t take seriously.
Do all of this though with a SMILE – you don’t want to be taken at face value here. By pushing/pulling all in one we mix brain signals, and engage her emotionally.
This is the clearest way to communicate that you are comfortable around her, and that she can be comfortable around you too.
The best flirtatious comments are created in the moment, based on what she is revealing to you about herself at that moment. Flirting is basically the art of insulting, but doing so with a smile.
Here are some great examples of flirting:
(If she is asking lots of “testy” questions) I like that you are asking so many questions, it shows that you are both curious and intelligent. You remind me of Polly Matson who used to sit front and center in 5th grade to impress the teacher with hard questions. (then, if she continues asking questions, refer to her as “Polly”)
(If she teases you about your clothing) You’re clearly Melissa Rivers’ long lost sister…
(If she condescends to you in ANY way) “OK, Lucy from Charlie Brown…we need to get you a football and a little blue dress…”
Now, if you struggle with flirting, I suggest taking these (or the many other examples that you can find out there) and practicing them on women LIVE.
I strongly believe in using the scripts from the community to learn the SKILLS – but then drop the training wheels. So, the above should get you started at least.
- What you are looking for though is the FEELING of flirting – so, when is there an opportunity to flirt?
- How does it feel to do it?
- What are her reactions to the things I say?
- Is the intent being communicated?
- Am I coming across too harshly?
- IS SHE HAVING FUN?? (that is the biggie)
Ultimately, if YOU are having fun then you will definitely translate your sense of humor clearly. If you are inexperienced, you are likely to mix the signals.
But, guess what, you might have to bomb a time or two in order to clean up your signals – there is no replacement for live experience.
Also, head out with a friend to practice – use the principles I outlined last time in my article on engaging women in conversation, then follow those up with the ideas I detail here.
The only way to learn how to flirt with women is through experience – trial & error.
If you can do this a few times, in a live interaction with a woman, you will start to get it and improve. Promise!
To review my entire list of the essential meet women skills from “The Game”, click the link and review my index. There are 10 really important ones, but learning how to flirt with women is easily the most important.