One of the biggest challenges men face, particularly when they lack a healthy dating and social life is neediness.
For needy men, even a small sign of affection or interest from a woman can immediately fire off signals of panic & loss…simply because he lacks both internal validation (most important) and a healthy supply of external validation from other women and his social circle in general.
I remember being blown off by a girl in college. I had asked her out, and she gave me the classic, “Let me call you back, OK?”
Well, I am sure you know the rest of this sad tale. She never called.
However, I did run into her a few weeks later and asked her out again. I figured she had “forgotten” to call!
What she told me completely changed my life:
“You’re too needy, I don’t like that. I want a man I can trust, not someone who is clingy and needs me” (she emphasized “needs”…ugh)
Wow….my head spun for days. I couldn’t believe she had said that.
And, what’s more, I couldn’t believe she could TELL after having only met me for 10 minutes!
Well, that began my journey to being successful with dating and women. The sting of those remarks has never left me!
What I learned over the years may surprise you. There are CLASSIC and CONSISTENT ways guys project neediness when meeting new women.
Here they are:
1) Ask Too Many Questions
There is nothing wrong with being curious and inquisitive. However, Free dating sites if that is all you do when you meet a new woman, you are subtly telling her that you are seeking rapport with her while knowing NOTHING about her.
There needs to be a balance of questions, statements, observations, stories etc. The amount of talking needs to be shared equally between the two of you – 50/50.
If you find yourself rifling off boring questions like “Where are you from?”, “What’s Your Sign?”, “What’s Your Bra Size?”…you are in serious trouble.
2) Needy Body Language
A great tool you can own is the ability to read body language. Imagine a conversation where one person is leaning into another. Perhaps they are making a point, or perhaps they are trying to listen to what the other has to say.
Which has the power? You guessed it – it’s the one standing upright, not the one leaning.
How is your body language right now as you read this? Are you hunched over at your desk, or are you sitting tall in your chair? Empower yourself by changing your body language.
Never lean in to a woman, and always sit or stand tall. There are no exceptions to this rule.
Let her lean into you.
3) Weak Vocal Tone
If you are afraid of being heard, you communicate timidity, neediness and insecurity. If you project your voice, with a confident tone you ALSO say you expect to be heard and are confident in what you have to say.
I cannot stress the importance of a powerful vocal tone – it is ESSENTIAL.
If you are able to master these, you will prevent the SYMPTOMS of neediness from appearing.
However, the best and surest way to remedy these is to tackle the problem head-on. How do you do that?
Study this one word:
Now, if you want to clearly “get” why this idea is critical for you to understand, and why it is ESSENTIAL that you internalize it, then check my extensive post on female psychology.
This article will teach you about the nature of attraction between men and women, and why owning your own “power” (aka – being an autonomous man) is the essential, and often missing, ingredient in becoming more successful with women and dating.
Otherwise, take a look at these symptoms and evaluate the last 2-3 interactions you had with a woman – did you signal to her any signs of neediness?
Needy men tend to reverse attraction with their behavior. The real solution though is more internal and has to do with changing patterns of behavior, and – ultimately – a set of psychological beliefs that truly don’t serve you.