Here’s Part II of my epic “Oneitis” story, or the phenomenon of becoming obsessed with that “One Special Girl”…
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If you currently find yourself in the oneitis situation, you have my heart-felt sympathies friend. This is no easy spot you find yourself in, and my plan is no guarantee for you to get the girl.
In fact, everything I am about to tell you may seem completely counter-intuitive.
But, if you can do these few things, I assure you that you will regain your balance and POWER and see this much differently.
This is my oneitis cure…
First of all, let’s focus on this word POWER for a minute, OK?
If you are in a situation where the thoughts in your mind predominate around one area in your life (a girl, in this case) then that particular area has POWER over you.
Here’s a bit of social/relationship math for you, OK?
Too much power given to a woman PUSHES/REPELS her away from you
Balanced power in all areas of life ATTRACTS the right women to you
Too little power given to women ATTRACTS the wrong women to you
Interesting, isn’t it.
Those three little statements I just made cost me 10 years of my life man.
I learned those the HARD way, but I am grateful to know this now and pass it along to you.
If you are a guy who is currently obsessed with a woman, here’s my hunch she’s not really into you.
She might think you’re nice, fun, cool, smart & interesting. But, she doesn’t find you attractive enough to form a relationship with you.
Women who are attracted to men, return their calls, they make time to see them, and they even initiate contact regularly.
If by chance she IS into you and just playing hard to get, pushing her is going to repel her away from you.
For now, here’s what you’ve got to do:
1) STOP calling her (Now)
2) STOP stalking her (Now – cyber, in person, or otherwise)
3) ASAP meet more women (approaches, parties, internet all if possible)
4) In 10 days, INVITE her to do something with you and your friends
5) START using real social skills to attract her
The above structure is a way to turn her into a friend, and to do it FAST, OK?
It’s a bit sneaky, I admit. But, if you’re so obsessed with a girl that you can’t sleep and if she’s not giving you clear-cut signs that she wants to see you (like, returning your calls, calling you first, creating opportunities to see you, replying to your emails, spending time with you, kissing you, inviting you upstairs to meet her dog Maggie etc) then you need to re-balance this relationship.
In fact, this is not really a relationship at all, is it?
Nope it’s what I lovingly call a situationship.
So, your first goal is to IMMEDIATELY re-balance this situationship.
The way to do that is to reclaim your power by STOPPING bad behavior.
Withdraw the excess of energy you are giving this, and stop calling/stalking/emailing her NOW.
Don’t ever do this again, OK?
I know of a friend who changed all of his passwords and asked his mother to recreate them and keep them from him just so he couldn’t cyber-stalk an ex-girlfriend.
You may not have to take such drastic measures but do whatever it takes, because obsessive behavior and thinking around a woman 99.99% of the time insures that you WILL NOT GET HER.
Here’s another point that I must make. Usually, we obsess over women who are subtly and indirectly communicating DISinterest to us.
Mixed signals are the cause of obsession and anxiety lack of clarity is the issue here. If she was interested, you would know it.
She’s just not that into you in other words. And if she is, by doing the 5 steps I outline above, you will reconnect with her in a healthy way.
If she isn’t by all means, CUT YOUR LOSSES, OK?
Our minds spin out of control and into obsessive and unhealthy behavior usually when the woman is unavailable.
In my case above, Ariella was giving me indirect signals that she was not available for what I wanted.
Because I was so emotionally wrapped up in it though, I was not able to see it.
Sure, it’s easy to blame her for not being clear and direct, but MOST people handle things in this way.
In order to move past this, you have to OWN your end of it which is that you didn’t read some pretty obvious signals that she’s not interested in you.
OK so we’re clear STOP doing things that are hurting you and STOP RIGHT NOW.
Next, we’ve got to talk a little bit about a word that I am sure will connect with you.
This word changed my life, and that is not an over-hyped marketing statement either, that’s the truth.
The word is:
If you are obsessed and consumed with ONE woman you are living in a female scarce world, and you need to change that ASAP.
It is NORMAL for healthy men to want women (if you’re heterosexual that is).
Your impulses towards intimacy, sex and relationship are healthy and right.
What you need is VARIETY the anti-scarcity.
Without some variety, you won’t truly know and appreciate what is out there and may settle for a woman that is not truly right for you (if you are lucky).
Long-term, healthy relationships require experience. You’ve got to know the market, in other words, so that you make a healthy, informed choice.
Scarcity is the enemy of CHOICE.
If you’re panicked and obsessed over ONE, then you’ve lost your right to choose and that has to be fixed if you want a successful relationship.
This leads me to point #3 MEET MORE WOMEN.
Reminds me of one of my favorite movies. Ever see Fandango?
It’s from the 80’s and stars Kevin Costner and Judd Nelson it’s a great guy flick, and tells the story of a wild road trip taken by some friends right out of college.
Kevin Costner plays a swashbuckling sort of guy, who is a real ladies man.
Well, he’s lamenting a past love with a buddy, and throws down this GEM of a phrase for us:
The only way to get over a girl, is to go out and get yourself another one
Makes sense, right? In our case, it makes a LOT of sense.
Guys who suffer from the scarcity mentality have to get their social lives up to speed and get more dates, and more options of women.
This may be the most important point I make in this report if you want to cultivate true power with women and dating, you’re going to need to meet MORE of them.
I’ll get into this more a bit later, but just know that having more options/choices in your dating life is crucial. And that the next time you’re in this pickle, you’re going to want to meet some new women ASAP.
I’ll cover the three ways to meet more women a bit later in this report though as it’s a very involved topic, and I don’t want to scatter our focus here, OK?
Now, you’re going to need to give this some TIME.
TIME and PATIENCE are now your friends with her.
I usually give it around 10 days, and I suggest only now communicating with her in mass emails nothing direct or personal at this point. Otherwise, she seems too special.
Ever hear of this acronym LJBF?
Lets Just Be Friends
This is what you’re doing with step #4. You are communicating to her that you’ve moved her into the friend column.
In about 10 days you’ll want to organize something with your social circle. A great idea is to discover a cool brunch place, and set something up for Sunday at 1pm.
Brunch is so great because people are more likely to have plans in the evening than they are on a Sunday afternoon. So, this way you will get more yes replies.
On a Wednesday send a note to your list (with her in the cc category like the rest of your friends) inviting everyone to the brunch you’re organizing.
Now, there is no guaranteeing that she will come along. But, if you continue to lead your social circle by organizing cool, interesting outings she will eventually come along.
Plus, now that she’s your friend, you’re allowed to treat her like you would any other friend. This is why it’s fine to cc her on a mass email.
The ONLY time you have personal involvement with her right now is if she contacts/replies to you. And, even these communications need to be quick and without fanfare, much like you would send to a friend.
This is how you reclaim your power here, and eliminate the one-it is you’re currently experiencing.
Also, this plan rearranges your situationship with her so that she is still in your circle but so that YOU are now in charge (aka: having reclaimed your power).
This will also give the two of you a much less pressured way to get to know each other and see if you are really right for each other.
This is precisely why people tend to fall in love with others via their social circle. So, if you are in a one-it is situation, add her into your social circle so that the two of you can have a more balanced way to get to know each other.
Now, this doesn’t guarantee that you’ll get the girl. This plan essentially presses the reset button with you and her which is you only shot at this point. For, if you are in an obsessed state, you are way past the point of maybe.
The final piece to this is to attract her using GOOD social skills.
You need to be the true LEADER of your social circle
You need to flirt/tease with her in a way that doesn’t embarrass her, but that does enhance sexual tension
You need to bait her into chasing you 😉
You need to capture and lead her imagination by using storytelling
You need to emphasize the strong connections that exist between you
You need to present yourself with a look that is both contemporary and cool
You need to understand what is naturally attractive to women, and what is not then you need to start DOING and BEING attractive and stop DOING and BEING unattractive
…Ultimately, you need to meet more women as my hunch is that she is not the one for you
Meeting more women, learning how to attract them, and living a life that naturally brings THE RIGHT women for relationships is THE teaching I convey in How To Get A Girlfriend and I think you owe it to yourself to check it out.
If you’ve read this article, then don’t you think you owe it to yourself to focus a bit on this challenge called “WOMEN” and get it handled?
My opinion only: if you keep relying on just YOU and YOU alone to handle it, I bet your results don’t change. You can’t get out of the woods with the map that got you there in the first place.
The solution: some NEW information, which is precisely the purpose of my ebook btw.
So, I sure hope you got something out of these two posts here.
My goal with CEIC is to reduce your pain and help you improve and expand the pleasures of women in your life.
EVERY guy deserves healthy and pleasurable relationships with women, and eventually an awesome girlfriend.
If you’re hung-up on one woman, and she isn’t your girlfriend or wife, then it’s time to assess the health of your dating and social life…
And get excited about this (hopefully) never happening again…
To learn all about how to get a girlfriend, check out my 24 top tips post (linked below). I’ve listed, in order, the process of going from completely clueless & lost to wildly successful and crushing it with women…it’s a long one, but worth your careful study.
Check it out here:
How to Get a Girlfriend – 24 Tips