Since the release of How To Get A Girlfriend, I’ve been asked to do a number of interviews.
This question comes to me at a time when my life is in full-throttle, and my relationship is as strong as ever. I have to say, I’ve never been happier or more in love than I am now.
Seriously guys, growing your social circle and lifestyle, while building actual self-esteem is THE way to getting a girlfriend my life is the PROOF of that.
The interviewer wondered about maintaining long-term attraction – and in specific, HOW to do this? Here was my response
For one thing, it is necessary that there be a strong initial chemistry. Let me try to describe that further. I have often found myself out on dates, and felt attracted to the woman (for whatever reason) but knew in my heart that she wasn’t RIGHT for me.
With my current girlfriend I know in my heart that we are RIGHT for each other. It’s as if she fits the space perfectly within me. Hard to describe that any other way- but that is what chemistry means to me. It would have been impossible to quantify it before really knowing the feeling of it.
Also, this cannot be manipulated or controlled it either IS or it Isn’t. Finding this is what is so challenging in the dating world.
So, given that that is in place, that leads us to the issue of the relationship and its connection. I’ve found that women tend to place a GREAT deal of importance in their relationship more so than men.
For me, my girlfriend is VERY important to me one of the most important aspects in my life. In order to maintain long term attraction, I find I need to GROW the relationship with her to be man enough to show up for my end of the bargain.
There is foolish sentiment out there that attraction in some way relates to playing hard to get there could be nothing further from the truth in a real relationship. Attraction here means showing-up, being PRESENT, giving LOVE and being open. Half-ass efforts will inspire the same in return, leading to mediocrity, and eventually the downfall of the connection.
In my case, my girlfriend is the most thoughtful, sensitive, loving person I know so I find that the need to be present, giving and open are paramount. The flow of love is the key – can you feel it? If so, she can to. Being open and vulnerable in fact INCREASES the sexual tension contrary to the first sexual encounter, when the unknown draws the chord. These are the times where our connection is the strongest, when the intimacy is the most present. I’d say that’s the goal hidden in your first question.
Essentially, in a real relationship – where the connection actually exists (meaning – both parties have something invested, something on the lineakage, no games at all) – building the connection through sharing life, feelings, fear, etc in fact GROW the connection. Aloofness, fakeness, shallowness, all kill the connection.
Maintaining physical attraction in a relationship depends upon a growing willingness to be vulnerable, share, and commit.
It’s about giving ultimately.
If you think you can hold this for real with tricks and gimmicks you might find yourself on TV, but never living a real life…
If you’d like a little more reading on attraction, I’d suggest my article on female psychology (just click that link).
It’s important to understand the mental mechanisms and models that women deal with, and how they are largely biological in nature, to fully appreciate the whole landscape of attraction and how who you are and what you do fit into this complex puzzle…
Check it out!
