I broke up with my girlfriend.
It’s been rough.
Part of the deal in any break-up is the inevitable need to rebound.
Or, to get someone else as soon as possible.
Or, to secure validation (now lost) from a new person so I can stop the pain.
Rebound relationships happen ALL THE TIME. In fact, for most people, it’s a normal occurrence.
The less secure, the lower the self-esteem, the more likely to jump from a broken, ended relationship to another one…which will inevitably end badly – as it was constructed on broken ground.
It makes sense, doesn’t it?
So, I no longer call them “rebounds” I call them “repairs”.
The true nature of a rebound relationship is to REPAIR the old one.
Usually, it’s unconscious, but true – the person who is out of a relationship is looking for the validation and security he/she felt from the one now lost.
The wish – however erroneous – is to FIX the bad feelings, the broken state of mind, the wounded heart, and to feel ‘all good’ again.
The problem is…someone else gets used. They probably don’t even realize it, but they are caught up in a twisted web of validation, and will likely be wounded in the process.
Plus, the broken person is chasing a fantasy, delaying the inevitable and necessary confrontation…with themselves (however painful that sight may be, it MUST happen).
Rebounds, or Repairs never turn out good.
I SURE know the impulse to dive into another relationship. I feel it all the time.
But, as I’ve learned, all I would end up doing is recreating the same scenario as before…which would inevitably end in pain while potentially harming another.
Also, a LOT of people are curious about how to get your ex-girlfriend back. Here’s the answer:
You don’t want her back.
It ended for a very good reason (probably) and you’d only be diving back into the same, exact mess that existed before. Getting back together is never a good idea – unless you’re on a desert island (LOST fans?).
Lick your wounds, heal, and resurface later when you’ve grown and learned the necessary lessons that will help you get an even better relationship next time.
It takes time, but it’s the only way to grow and eventually find a happy, lasting relationship.
So, we plod onwards…single again, bachelorhood reclaimed, but no playing games or throwing numbers on the board. That would be easy.
Growing, evolving, and doing the right things without involving another in my pain…that’s the task at hand.
And, hey, I got the dog…there’s something to be thankful for!
If you’d like to read more about how to survive a breakup, click the link and read about my most painful breakup a few years ago and what I did about it.
It’s important that you lay low after a breakup, particularly a painful one. You can’t find real healing in another person, and will inevitably hurt THEM in the process.