Ever feel like a woman is testing you?
For example, say she runs late three times in a row when meeting you (when I say late, I mean over 10 minutes btw).
If someone arrives to a date, and is less than 10 minutes late, no big deal. If it is more than 10 minutes…I take note.
So, she is late three times in a row, what do you do?
Most guys don’t say a word, fearing upsetting her, and losing her “highly valuable” affection. Why guys value someone who disrespects them over and over is a chronic problem – something I am out to remedy.
What is really happening here is – she is testing you. She wants to see how you are going to react (though she is probably unconscious of this).
She wants you to prove to her that you are secure and confident enough to take the lead and set your boundary.
We commonly call this the proverbial shit test…and there is a way to actually use these to your advantage.
Women feel a level of insecurity that they wish men to satisfy. Healthy women feel a small amount of this. Unhealthy women feel a larger amount of this. If she shit tests you a time or two, no problem…
If it continues, walk away – she needs help, and it’s a kind of help you can’t provide.
Biologically, testing is necessary. She is screening you to see if you are “man enough”, so to speak to help her feel secure – in other words, do you have real integrity? Can you offer actual “security” to her (cultivating security is the secret to how to become a more attractive man).
The key is to handle a shit test like a gentleman, while delivering a clear message that her lateness is unacceptable. Here is EXACTLY how I handled such a situation recently.
I was awaiting her arrival at the cinema. At 10 minutes past, I got in line for the tickets and purchased my ticket while being sure that I could return it if necessary. At 20 minutes past, I crossed the street and sat in a cafe, and started making some calls (other women, of course, on the list – I was a bachelor at the time).
She phoned at 25 past, and was out in front of the cinema.
Here was our conversation:
Her: “I am so sorry Stephen, I got stuck at work late. I am here, where are you?”
Me: “I am across the street in the cafe, just doing a little work”
Her: “Oh, OK, I will be right over”
Me: “Be sure to get your ticket, I have mine – I was afraid they would sell out, and not knowing if you were going to make it, I only purchased one. Go ahead and get your ticket, and I will meet you over there in 5 minutes, gotta pay my bill”
Her: “Ok, see you in a minute – again, sorry I was late”
See what I did here?
Instead of changing the slightest bit of my schedule, I went forward without her. The plan had been to meet at the cinema, and then go for coffee. So, that’s what I did.
Also, because she was late, she now had to furnish her own ticket (this being the third time she was late, I was definitely not paying for anything).
I did all of this without getting angry at all, or having to say a word.
And, guess what…she was never late again.
Once you make the wallet pay for the lateness, it seems to stop. I eventually lost interest in her, and her lateness was a major contributor.
I advocate action over words anytime. Why say something if you can indicate it with behavior?
If you can tell her that her lateness is unacceptable by simply behaving with self-respect (continuing my evening with or without her) this is much more powerful than:
Uh, you know, when you’re late, it really upsets me. I feel hurt and slighted
BLAH. This may be true, but it is not a MASCULINE solution to the problem. The masculine solution is to be kind, yes, but to also be autonomous.
So, if she is late, when she arrives you have taken a call and have to make her wait a few moments before you can see her.
I have even been known to make/take a fake phone call. Feel free to throw in something like, “It is 5:20pm now, let’s talk in a few hours OK?”
This shows her that you have carried on with her business. Making her stand around for a moment or two, feeling the discomfort caused by her lateness, that works way better than you standing there like the headmaster checking his watch, cool?
In conclusion, the best way to handle tests from women is to simply sidestep them, they are a small bump along the road of your life.
Keep living, make her catch up. If she continually tests you, then you better get stern with her and say something like:
Let me be honest with you. I like you – OK? But, when you are late, which happens often, I lose attraction for you. Being reliable is high on my list, and I really want this to work out. I tend to lose interest though when issues like this continually surface.
By telling her that you lose attraction for her (which is true, right?), the stakes become very high suddenly.
Women pride themselves on being attractive to men, and if her behavior is causing that to diminish…well then, you’ve just found the sweet spot.
Ultimately, we are all seeking healthy, positive, and productive relationships with people.
If someone continually disrespects us by being late, or by behaving immaturely, we have to step back and ask – why am I involved with her in the first place?
And, an even better question…why am I even still attracted to her?
Feel free to walk away.
There are single women everywhere who will treat you with respect and who will be on time to see you.
Liza Rose says
I totally agree with your idea, as I am a married woman with 3 grownup kids and still people tell me at age 38 I look 29. my husband suffered from stroke 2 years back and still not getting better.I met a married man at work as a good friend but since he moved into his house hardly calls me and couple of times when i told him I won’t be calling him again as whenever I need to talk to him he is not there but won’t agree. As this hurts me sometimes as i feel most of the time that i need support , I am just confused , its since 2 weeks that I decided not to call him ever again. I am very strong without him as he makes me weak when i can’t get hold of him.