That’s me (Playboy) in my PUA days, with Courtney Love
The truth about pick-up might surprise you, and as a former pick-up artist, I’m in the unique position of pulling the curtain back to reveal the real story.
I’m now a dating coach, and I tend to see guys on a regular basis who have “tried” pick-up and are now thoroughly disenchanted and disillusioned by the realities of the PUA community.
Many of these emerge from working various programs, attending various workshops, reading every book known to man, only to be more frustrated and downtrodden because it doesn’t seem to work out for them.
Usually guys who are good at the ‘game’ were good at it already…or pretty good at it already…the only brain which thinks a bunch of lines and gimmicks are going to work is the same brain that led you to be frustrated, lonely, and socially awkward in the first place.
Let me repeat that:
the only brain which thinks a bunch of lines and gimmicks are going to work is the same brain that led you to be frustrated, lonely, and socially awkward in the first place
In other words, your diagnosis might be a bit off.
The pick-up/PUA community – whether it’s a business, a web-board, a lair..whatever – thrives on dangling a carrot out there in front of you claiming that your life will change in 13 seconds if you just buy “this” product or take “that” program…
This methodology is certainly lucrative for them but it doesn’t usually translate into success.
THERE IS NO QUICK FIX TO YOUR PROBLEM…and anyone who claims otherwise doesn’t deserve your attention, money, or time.
Most of what you read online is total BS (by the way) – the forums or blogs which feature endless posts by supposed experts are normally 30% truth.
I have watched so many guys doctor and change their reports and posts to relay a much larger, and more glorified representation of the truth. HB6’s suddenly are HB9’s etc.
So, what follows is a reasonable expectation for you – something actually attainable – and not something designed to get you to purchase my products, but which will result in a healthier social life, more dates and – if you want it – an awesome girlfriend.
1) Analyze your social life
Some questions to consider:
How many friends do you have?
How many are male and how many are female?
How often do you see them?
How often do you go out with a friend or a group of friends?
How do you meet new women (if at all)?
How do you make friends?
If you have had a relationship, how did it happen?
In my experience, a guy tends to meet women the same way his entire life – so, if the last 9 girlfriends you had were met via another friend, my money is on the next one happening that way IN SPITE of how you feel about the urgent necessity of doing cold approaches.
2) Goals
Once you have written down some honest answers, give yourself SMALL goals to reach with a month’s time to reach them.
So, if your social circle is 5 people – try to double it in a month’s time. Within a month, your circle has grown to 10…
3) Social
If you don’t meet 5 new people on a weekly basis, your social life is not active enough. If that is the case, you need to branch out.
Here are some ideas:
– classes
– events
– openings (galleries, restaurants – new businesses will often throw a party upon opening)
– parties
– hobbies
– friends
– cold approach (notice how this is one of 7 ways…)
MOST couples come together via social circle – NOT THROUGH COLD APPROACHING – so, why waste your time trying to get good at that when you can easily get good at the others, meet TONS of new women (and make cool guy friends) and improve your lifestyle as a result?
In other words, why put your life on hold just to get laid?
Why not accelerate your life forward, and then get laid or even….meet someone for a relationship…
4) Lead your social circle
Study all about John Goddard, make your list, get started and then invite everyone else to come along for the ride…LEAD in other words.
Become the magnet to mission, purpose and excitement.
5) Your mission
And by the way – what IS your mission or purpose in your life anyway?? Do you know?
If not, now would be a good time to write a bit about that and start to get an idea…nothing as unattractive as a loose balloon being blown about by the wind…
6) Your look
Go to a tailor and get fitted for your sizes right away. Never buy clothing that doesn’t fit again.
7) Get in shape
Go to the gym MINIMUM 3 times per week. And if you want to know…I swim…and love it…great for the mind, body, joints, you name it.
8) Your home
Clean your apartment or house – do it tonight.
Wash the dishes when you’re done eating, and make your bed in the morning.
9) Your teeth
Go to the dentist, and have your teeth cleaned.
Be sure to correct any bad breath issues you may have. You might be the nicest, coolest, most handsome guy in the world – and with bad breath, you’ll never see approaching lips…
10) Passion
Stop wasting your time doing things you like, and only go things you love…
Now remember, set reasonable expectations on your progress. Nothing worthwhile is going to happen in even a month.
But a year from now – and trust me, that is not long and is WAY shorter than the amount of time needed to get good at the cold approach – you can expect very significant progress and change, if you are diligent and disciplined.
If you want a girlfriend, and a healthy relationship – YOU ARE WASTING YOUR TIME DOING COLD APPROACHES.
You must create a lifestyle and image which are attractive and healthy – you can’t have a healthy relationship with another until you have one with yourself – which means honoring your deepest wishes, and the precious time you have here on earth (this is first and foremost)!
Stop wasting time…start really living, and watch as your entire framework for relating to women changes.
As a reporter recently noted, a lot of times I find myself doing “PUA detox”. So, rewiring guys away from the community beliefs, into beliefs which actually serve and are rooted in truth
Honestly, I do that about once per week. It’s good work, but a real shame that so many well-intentioned guys get such bad direction from other equally clueless guys…
If you’d like to explore the 10 useful skills I gleaned from “The Game” and pick-up, check out my meeting women series. There are 10 skills here, all of which will truly help you become more successful with women and dating.
AND, you don’t have to waste tons of time or money in the process.
Skip pick-up, and learn the skills instead.
Good luck!
