I almost titled this article, “Dating is for Losers”, but…well, that’s a bit harsh.
Particularly given I help guys with dating challenges and questions all the time. But, if you want to truly know how to get a girlfriend, focusing too much on dating women might be a fool’s game.
If I look back over my life, I have had 4 major relationships with women and a bunch of “situationships” (what I call 1-3 month relationships…which never truly get off the ground).
Now, these 4 relationships ALL came about through my social circle but never through a “common” dating scenario. When I say common dating scenario, I mean:
- Approaching a hot girl, getting her number, and taking her out on a date
- Online dating
- Being “set up” with a girl
- Meeting her at an event/party and then taking her out
This snapshot is how we commonly meet women, date them, and expect for something further to happen. The structure might play itself out as:
- Meet her, get her number
- Go on a few dates, physically escalating with each
- Finding that we have a lot in common, continuing to see her over a longer period
- Mutually agreeing to date exclusively
- Calling it a ‘relationship’
Right? That’s how it could flow, from the initial meeting to it becoming a truly monogamous relationship. Well, what is so interesting, is that this hardly EVER happens.
Besides the clear advantage that women get from this sequencing (calm down girls, I know it aint easy for you too – but free dinners 2x/week isn’t a good deal, particularly in a recession), this also doesn’t really lend itself to a lasting relationship.
My idea? FRIENDS FIRST
Hell, do it for your wallet, but mostly, do it for your calendar and your heart. Dating is over-rated, as a practice. It makes sense if your goal is something like:
- Getting laid
- Getting ‘back out there’
- Getting social practice
But, if you’ve been around the block a few times with dating, and haven’t seen anything materialize into a relationship, consider this approach.
Grow your social circle, become the leader of the social circle, cultivate friendships with as many women within the group that you want, then see who of them you really click with…and from there, something more real and organic can happen.
In case you are worried about converting the girl from a friend to a girlfriend, STOP worrying. Instead, BECOME more attractive, confident and (my big word) autonomous.
Nothing is attractive to a girl more than a man who leads his own life and pursues his own individuality with a passion that is rarely represented in this culture.
Most guys aren’t MEN, they are physically mature boys without a care for others, selfishly running their own lives and with insecurity rampaging – and are usually totally unaware of it.
So, the new structure – the one I propose to YOU – is as follows:
- Grow your social circle and do the things you WANT to do
- Befriend all the women in the group and see who you connect with
- Spend some 1-1 time with her and TELL her you feel attracted to her
- THEN, take her out on some fun dates, and escalate physically after each
- After some time (few months), agree to see only each other
- Call it a ‘relationship’
In this case, your social circle becomes a FILTER through which the women are screened naturally – which will save you tons of time, money, energy…and mostly, emotional fortitude.
This is the way of the high self esteem male, and in my experience, is the way to get a girlfriend.
Your work then becomes about YOU and the overall health of your social life.
- How many friends do you have?
- Is the group ACTIVE?
- Are there attractive women within the group who feel comfortable and trusting there (biggie)?
- Are you the leader of the group?
- Does the group attract new people to it?
- How developed and evolved are YOU?
- Are there areas of your life which are out of control? (financial is usually where it shows up first)
Be honest about these questions – even write your answers down on paper. The social circle must be healthy and vibrant to attract worthy, single women.
A ‘her’ with her shit together is not going to want to hang out with people who bring her down.
My work as a coach is best for guys who want to work on THIS path. Not guys who are looking for pick-up advice (which is the beginner level), or just simple dating advice (intermediate), but guys seeking to attract the right woman to him which is a true artform, and that cannot be controlled or manipulated – which is why it is so frightening…
To learn all about how to get a girlfriend, check out my 24 top tips post (linked below). I’ve listed, in order, the process of going from completely clueless & lost to wildly successful and crushing it with women…it’s a long one, but worth your careful study.
Check it out here:
I’d love to hear your comments/feedback – feel free to post below.